Looking good important to young teenage girls

Dear Straight Talk: I moved in with my dad and step-mom over the summer and am attending eighth grade at my third middle school. My stepmother obviously knows what it's like to be a teenager because she got me braces for my teeth, took me to a hair stylist and bought me clothes that look good. At my old schools I was automatically considered a geek because of the way I looked. Now I'm finally accepted. A lot of parents don't realize how important it is to fit in. Looks really do make a difference.- Looking good, feeling better Dear Looking good: Yes they do. And your experience confirms what studies have shown for years: society favors the better looking. What I especially like about your experience is that you made yourself better looking using the simplest of methods; a good hair cut, flattering clothes and cared-for teeth. Yes, you needed a bit of money and support, but your experience shows that whether one is pretty or plain is mostly a matter of management. Of course, to be truly attractive one needs to have beauty on the inside, too. I suspect you already had that going on. Your letter stimulated the teen panel to evaluate middle school society to see what attracts and what repels. I hope you find it useful. Their list of social annoyances rings true for all ages. From Jennifer, 13 and Katie, 13: In middle school looks, hair and fashion definitely rule. But it's not the whole story. We identified five social groups: 1) popular; 2) on-the-edge of popular; 3) could care less; 4) will do anything to be popular; and 5) geeks. Beware the group that will do anything to be popular; they will dump you in an instant to climb the social ladder. Geeks, and we apologize for the term, either have parents who don't let them dress fashionably, they're too fat or something else is off. Whatever their issue, it's usually not their fault. Good looks don't guarantee popularity. Here are the main social annoyances: talking too much, talking too little, interrupting an on-going conversation with questions, bragging about your talents, bragging about things that actually detract from you (if you have pimples don't brag about their size), lying, blabbing (even to just one person), phoning/texting too much, inviting yourself over too much, clinging too much at school, acting "mature" or "above it all," trying to be teacher's pet, trying to please adults more than your friends. If you're new to a school, don't be too shy, but don't come on too strong either. Wait for people to come up to you, but keep your interactions light for a few weeks before committing to a group. If a popular kid shows interest in you, don't respond too strongly or he or she will back off. Dear Straight Talk: I'm writing in regard to "Julie" who wanted to start shaving her legs. I have never shaved and have never wanted to. From a young age I've had an appreciation for the beauty of my body that no social pressure can take from me. Because of that, I've wanted to keep my body the way it was given to me. I've never had anyone disrespect me, make fun of me or not be friends with me because I have hairy legs. Even though Julie feels she needs to shave to be accepted, I suggest that she think about whether it's really necessary to maintain healthy friendships.- Carmen, 20 Dear Carmen: You are writing to one of the most hair-removal obsessed cultures on earth so I doubt most young girls will follow your lead. Nevertheless, I wanted to share your letter because if more women chose to be as loving toward their natural body as you are, we would inhabit a saner, happier world. - Lauren Forcella is co-founder of Teens-Matter, a nonprofit organization devoted to teens. Letters to Straight Talk are answered by Teens-Matter's advanced students. Write us at Straight Talk, 3215 Fortune Court, Auburn 95602 or visit teens-matter.com.