Breaking free from abusive behavior, intermittent fasting fan

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 1 1/2 years, though we started going out more than three years ago. We should still be at the honeymoon stage in our relationship, but I am writing because he has changed recently in really bad ways. He calls me names, puts me down, belittles me and makes me feel worthless. Before this, he begged me to give up my apartment and move into his house. Yet recently, he made it clear that I would never be on the deed. I have a child from my first marriage, and initially my husband welcomed her with open arms. Now he doesn't acknowledge her existence. He tells me that he loves me and can't live without me. Well, he hasn't done one thing to make me feel that way. We have tried two different marriage therapists, and, of course, he didn't like either one. Now he refuses to go back. He's home everyday after work and doesn't go out with friends or anything. I knew he had a lot of insecurity issues when we met, and he asked for a lot of reassurance, which I had no problem giving. A few months back, he called my job and questioned my boss, which actually got me fired. I haven't been able to find work because I have a child that I have to get to and from school and I have no help from any family or friends. He has called numbers in my phone and questioned people. (Of course, he didn't find anything.) He constantly puts me down about not working, tells me he can get better and that I'm not even pretty. I don't know what made him change or if this is who he really was all along but didn't show it. I am completely heartbroken. I love this man so much, yet he really made sure I was trapped with him, and now I am worn down and feel worthless. I don't even like the person I am anymore. — Please Help Guide Me Dear Please Help Guide Me: You are not even close to the honeymoon stage; in fact, you're at what sounds like a nightmare stage. I know this can be hard to hear because you say that you love him "so much," but his behavior is abusive. Being cruel to your daughter is one example of this. She did not ask to be related to this man and does not deserve anything but the utmost kindness and respect from him. Getting you fired from your job, and then complaining that you don't have a job, is another example of cruelty. Luring you into his house as his spouse and then announcing that your name will never be on the deed, is yet another example. Marriage is about love and partnership. It sounds like your husband took that vow to belittle and control you. As others in similar situations can attest, it can be difficult to see the warning signs or to recognize isolating behavior until it can feel like too late to change anything. However, it's never too late. No one is allowed to put you down or tell you that you're worthless. To talk with people trained in understanding your situation, visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline website, at https://www.thehotline.org, or call 800-799-7233. Dear Annie: I have discovered something that your readers might find helpful, and if you agree, I hope that you will print my letter. For the past 20 years, I have wanted to lose the same 10 pounds. In fact, I have lost them dozens of times and then regained them after going off whatever diet I tried. And I have tried them all! Low fat and high carbohydrate works well, as does high fat and low carbohydrate. The problem with either diet is that I find myself missing too many different foods and eventually go off it. When I was following a low-fat diet, I craved hamburgers and fries all the time. When I was eating a low-carb diet, I instead craved ice cream and cookies. I exercise a lot to maintain my fitness and am in good shape overall, but, as I say, I have struggled with those extra 10 pounds for many years. Finally, I found a solution that I find easy to live with and really works. My daughter told me about it; I tried it and did not feel uncomfortable at all, and gradually seven of those 10 pounds have come off. I wanted to share this with your readers. The "diet" is called intermittent fasting. As a practical matter, what this means for me is that I do all my eating during an eight-hour time period and then don't eat again for the next 16 hours. I eat whatever I used to eat — no limitations at all — and as long as I do all my eating in eight hours, I keep losing weight. If I feel like a hamburger and fries, I eat them. If I want ice cream and cookies, same thing. But I try to practice moderation and not go overboard the way I used to when I would come off a starvation diet. Most days, I eat my breakfast at 11 a.m. and make sure to finish dinner before 7 p.m. But if I have to have an earlier breakfast, then I eat an earlier dinner, and if I start eating later in the day, then I might eat dinner a little later. I don't know why this works, but it really does, and I feel much better without those handful of pounds on my body. I love your column and wanted to share my experiences with your readers. — Eating and Satisfied Dear Eating and Satisfied: It sounds like you have found a meal plan that really works for you. My guess is that you are consuming fewer calories during each 24-hour period. I am printing your letter in order to share your success with others. As always, however, my advice to all readers is that before trying a new meal plan, be sure to check with your physician to make sure it is right for you. Thank you for your kind words! Keep up the good work. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.