Sideline etiquette includes being a good role model

During the past year I have witnessed a significant increase in unruly behavior by parents at youth sports events. These outbursts were once the exception, the isolated incident. But now they seem to be the new normal, particularly at youth soccer games. The recent arrest and pending prosecution of a father who allegedly attacked a sideline referee at Festerson Park in Roseville illuminates the problem I am talking about. Now keep in mind, by far, most parents on the sideline are positive but it only takes a few to make the experience uncomfortable for all, including the players, the coaches, the referees and the opposing parents. I have five grandchildren who play sports in Roseville. My grandchildren range in age from 7 to 14 and attend elementary, middle and high school. The kids play soccer, baseball, volleyball and swim. As a result, I spend a considerable amount of time on the sidelines and in the bleachers. Additionally, when my daughters were young, I spent 10 years coaching youth sports, several years as a commissioner of a recreational soccer league and as an occasional lacrosse referee. I eventually left coaching not because of the kids but because of the parents' behavior. Based on my experience and observations, it is abundantly clear to me that youth sports have become overly competitive with winning being the goal. Don't get me wrong; I realize winning is rewarded and highly visible in this country. I get it. But fun should be the starting point in youth sports, particularly with the younger players. According to the National Alliance for Youth Sports, 70 percent of kids stop playing sports by the age of 13 or 14. Two of the contributing factors are said to be playing is no longer fun and undo pressure from parents. Fun has been identified as the most prevalent reason that kids stay with sports. Getting back to the out-of-control behavior by some parents. I have seen it all. I have witnessed parents not only verbally disrespecting refs but actually threatening them and following them to their cars after the game. I have heard endless trash talking, yelling at opposing coaches, intimidating young teenage umpires, opposing parents and coaches squaring off and parents consistently coaching from the sidelines. An act that ultimately confuses the young player. Youth sports are meant to be fun. Participating in sports is good for a child's physical, mental and social well-being. Youth sports can be great family events. However, the win at all cost attitude is defeating the purpose of youth sports. Parents need to check their own attitudes and be a positive influence on the sidelines. Parental pressure and pushing too hard can lead to "burn-out." Kids need to learn how to win and lose gracefully. Coaches are as important as classroom teachers. They can make or break a child's desire to stay with a sport. Coaches can have a significant influence on a player's confidence and self-esteem. Coaches should be concerned with teaching technical skills, sportsmanship, teamwork and making sure the players are having fun. Teaching or coaching the youngest children is not easy. Coaches also need to communicate with parents, set the positive tone and discourage inappropriate behavior. Once again, sometimes not an easy task. I know many sports organizations go to great lengths to train coaches and monitor the codes of conduct for coaches, parents and players. It was quite apparent to me this past spring while watching my 7-year-old grandson play/pitch baseball for the first time. It was through the Woodcreek Little League. We could not have asked for better coaches. Their patience with these young first-time players was absolutely incredible. Their ability to teach the skills of the game and keep it fun was apparent as we watched the players improve each week. The parents were positive and supportive, making the season a good experience for all. My closing advice to those unruly parents is to support their young athletes; be positive role models for sportsmanship; continually check to ensure your child is still having fun; cut the sideline coaching; and leave the referees alone. Brian Parry is a Roseville resident, a Senior Commission member and is expressing his own opinions. Parry can be reached at 939bparry@gmail.com.