Straight Talk: Should lesbian friend be allowed for sleepovers?

Dear Straight Talk: I'm 16 and have a close friend since elementary school who is gay. "Haley" doesn't advertise that she's gay, but she doesn't keep it a secret either. I treasure her friendship and have no problem with her sexual orientation, plus she has a girlfriend and has no sexual interest in me. The problem is my mom. Mom claims she has "nothing against" gays, however, she no longer allows us to stay the night at each other's houses. She says she just can't trust what might happen with us sleeping and undressing together, and is especially concerned for my 13-year-old sister who shares my bedroom. My sister likes Haley very much and has no problem with her staying overnight in our room and undressing in front of her, even though she is aware of the situation. Plus, Haley shares a room with her own younger sister and it's not a problem. I think my mom is being unfair. How can I make her understand there is nothing to worry about? ~ Santa Ana Rachel, 18, Fair Oaks: I once met a mother who pulled her daughter out of a fashion show right as we were stepping on stage because the show was in support of gay marriage. This woman seriously overreacted to the situation, but it was because of her beliefs and her devotion to her daughter. Your mother may be overreacting, too, but it's what she needs in order to feel comfortable. You probably won't change her feelings — and even though you don't agree with them, you need to respect them. Maureen, 17, Redding: I am straight but my best friend is bisexual and it's never been an issue. We share a bed and change in front of each other and I never feel uncomfortable. She is my best friend, that's what best friends do. Honestly, your mom has nothing to worry about. She needs to get over it. Just because your friend is a lesbian doesn't mean she is a pervert who wants to have sex with every girl she sees. Dear Santa Ana: We get a lot of mail on this topic and your mother is not being anti-gay. She is simply banning gay girlfriends from sleeping in your bedroom for the same reason she bans boys from sleeping there. Stuff can happen and it won't be under her watch. From what I know about the fluidity of female sexuality, while some straight females would be totally stable undressing and sleeping with a gay female friend, others would not be. A large category of "distress mail" we receive is from teens who find themselves unintentionally aroused or involved sexually with those they share sleeping quarters with — I'm talking everything from brothers and sisters sharing a room, to non-gay stepsisters sharing a bed. I know you feel that this wouldn't happen to you, but at this point in life, your mom makes the rules and it's her job to err on the side of caution. She's got your best interests at heart. To ask a question or inquire about being a youth panelist, visit www.straighttalkforteens.com or write P.O. Box 963 Fair Oaks, CA 95628.