Writing 'the Great American Newspaper Column' about cycling

My goal, for more than nine years here at the "Life in the Bike Lane" Corporate Offices, has always been to write "The Great American Newspaper Column about cycling." I seem to have a serious case of "Rider's Block," albeit maybe the "Great American" part is only awarded posthumously. Hemingway, Melville and Fitzgerald are all gone, right? Of course, I searched "How to write the great American novel" hoping to get some clues to apply to a column. I'm sure Caen, Buchwald and Bombeck all did the same thing. Here's what I found: As near as I can tell, one must use a manual typewriter and take the point of view of a cat. For a newspaper column, one needs a short, catchy title such as the one above. Great writers keep a schedule. Me, too. I almost always write as close to the deadline as possible. If consistency is more important than talent, I'm in. It is clear that one should write about one's passion, what one knows. Cycling qualifies for me. In my first column, back in 2013, I referred to myself as an avid cyclist and still refer to myself that way. But I'm not sure if I really "know" anything. Can we really know anything? Hey, wait. Is that a topic for a Great American Newspaper Column about cycling? That doesn't mean there aren't other passions in my life. I can combine my cycling with photography (see alternate weeks of "Life in the Bike Lane"). I'm unemployed, so no conflict there. Family is the only thing superseding riding. So writing this column is time well wasted. Mark Twain isolated himself from his family during the day and Maya Angelou rented a hotel room for the sole purpose of writing. I compose in the guest/computer/TV/Christmas-present-wrapping/sewing-cutting-table room. It is filled with bike stuff and memorabilia, so there is some appropriate atmosphere. It is advised to not start writing until one has an idea of where the "story" is going. Ha! I start by choosing the font, color and size I'm going to use for the draft (Century Gothic 12, in purple today). I also learned that the best writers keep it simple. My friend (he's not really my friend) Mark Twain said, "Don't use a $5 word when a 50-cent one will do." Again, ha! The biggest word I know costs $1.64 plus tax (on sale), I don't know what it means and I haven't used it yet. Newspapers (except for this publication) are written at the sixth- to eighth-grade level, which does not apply to you eight loyal readers. The Great American Newspaper Column must be about a life worth writing about and not ending a sentence with a preposition. I'm not sure bike riding is the best conduit for that, although I have read some fun books written about epic bike trips; 624 words about a bike ride to Loomis is hardly a narrative about a heroic voyage such as in "Moby Dick." If I am lucky, there has been an incident on the road about which I can write. Last week, as members of my group were crabbing how cold it was, I asked (out loud) "Can I get a column out of this?" Maybe that's why I have only eight loyal readers. Tom Frady is a Lincoln resident and avid cyclist and driver.