Life in the Bike Lane: How to write about cycling

I know it's hard for you seven loyal readers to believe this about a far-from-professional columnizer like me, but I sometimes (read: almost always) have difficulty coming up with a topic that might be of interest to the avid cyclist and the casual rider/reader. I was so desperate this week I went to "Ask Jeeves" for help. Jeeves wasn't all that helpful. So I tried AI but got only recipes for marinade. So, I ventured out on my own. There are a few rules set in stone I would never break I sometimes follow when writing about riding. For instance, I never refer to those who ride bicycles as "bikers." That appellation is reserved for those who ride highway-going two- and sometimes three-wheeled vehicles that usually make significant noise. "Bikers" aren't just those who are always dressed in leather with names on their backs like "Tortured Cherubs" or tattoos saying something like "Born to Picnic" (I've never gotten close enough to actually read what the tats say.) "Bikers" are also those folks commuting daily to the office or school on quieter steel steeds. I do not include the newer group of "e-bikers" on throttled bicycles made to look like a motorcycle but designed for the sidewalks and bike lanes. I also make a distinction between "cyclists" and "bike riders." The line separating them is a little fuzzy, but I try to reserve "cyclist" for those who have committed a significant part of their lives and income to the art and science of riding a bike. They probably keep at least some rudimentary statistics (like "miles per flat") and may see their bike as an extension of themselves. Extra cyclist points if they keep their bicycle in the living room ... covered. Those who ride mountain bikes are in a different category completely. They are not "mountain cyclists" but "mountain bikers." And it's OK to refer to the other folks in your peloton as "riders." "Cycler"? Never. "Bicycler"? You are joking, right? The machine the bike rider/cyclist rides is technically a "bicycle," but it is usually shortened to "bike." Confusing, isn't it? While the verb associated with the sport is "bicycling" and also the name of a popular magazine, it is almost always referred to as "bike riding." "Bicycling" would sound pretentious. "Cycling" works best if you use it in the sentence, "We were cycling through Europe," or referring to the sport of competitive bike riding. No cyclist would ever say, "I went bicycling today," or, "I went biking today." There is still room for confusion, however. I was once regaling an acquaintance with stories of riding my bike from SF to LA. After several minutes, he realized my "bike" wasn't a "motorcycle," which changed everything for how he understood what I was saying. There are still more categories and you need to be very careful about what you call what. I'd like to talk about "BMX," "recumbents" and "fixies," but I've reached my quota of quotation marks. We'll pick this up "some other time."