Trials and tribulations of mother-son "sex talk"

Dear Straight Talk: My son is 15 and I've never sat him down and given him the sex talk. His dad is not available and I'm afraid I'm failing him in this department.I've tried bringing up the subject, but he waves me off with, "Mom, I already know that stuff." I know how important communication is and want him to come to me if he is having troubles, but we're both embarrassed by the topic. All I remember my dad saying to my brother was "Keep it in your pants," which I don't find very helpful.Would the young men on your teen panel tell me the best approach?Speechless in the suburbsDear Speechless:Between the ages of roughly 12 and 17, "Mom" and "sex" in the same mental construct sends most boys into convulsions. This reaction is healthy. Traditionally, boys came of age with guidance from men, while mothers supported it from well behind the scenes. I agree with the men's movement, that even in today's non-traditional settings, mothers are not the best guides for their sons in this process.Nonetheless, you're all he's got. Get him the book for boys: What's Happening to my Body by Lynda Madaras. (I recommend you read it, too). It will cover the "impossible-to-discuss" details, leaving you to impart what the teen panel feels is most important of all: values, responsibility, safety - and that you're there for him. From Peter, 20:I never had the sex talk with my parents. With sex education classes, your son probably knows all of the technical stuff. What you should worry about is that he knows the other stuff: the difference between love and facsimiles thereof, why sex shouldn't be a casual thing, the dangers of STDs and early parenthood.One thing my parents did teach me is to respect women, and to never, ever, hit girls. From Mariah, 15: At 15 he knows a lot about sex, so approach him at this level, not as a little kid. The main thing is to tell him it's an open subject and that you're there for him if he needs help.Lauren Forcella is co-founder of Teens-Matter, a non-profitorganization devoted to teens. Write to Straight Talk at www.StraightTalkForTeens.com or 3215 Fortune Ct. Auburn, CA 95602.